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Experiencing refusal, especially when it happens repeatedly, is far from pleasant. An editor is turning you down, giving a clear “Nope.” Working in writing, I am well acquainted with setbacks. I began pitching story ideas 50 years back, right after finishing university. From that point, I have had two novels declined, along with nonfiction proposals and many essays. Over the past 20 years, specializing in commentary, the denials have grown more frequent. Regularly, I receive a setback frequently—totaling in excess of 100 each year. Cumulatively, rejections in my profession number in the thousands. By now, I might as well have a PhD in rejection.

But, is this a complaining rant? Far from it. Since, now, at 73 years old, I have come to terms with rejection.

How Did I Achieve This?

A bit of background: By this stage, nearly everyone and others has said no. I’ve never tracked my win-lose ratio—doing so would be deeply dispiriting.

As an illustration: lately, an editor rejected 20 articles in a row before accepting one. Back in 2016, no fewer than 50 editors declined my manuscript before one approved it. Later on, 25 representatives rejected a project. One editor requested that I send my work only once a month.

My Seven Stages of Rejection

Starting out, all rejections hurt. I felt attacked. It seemed like my writing being rejected, but who I am.

Right after a submission was rejected, I would begin the phases of denial:

• Initially, shock. What went wrong? How could they be ignore my ability?
• Second, denial. Maybe it’s the mistake? It has to be an administrative error.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What can any of you know? Who appointed you to decide on my efforts? They’re foolish and your publication is poor. I refuse this refusal.
• Fourth, anger at those who rejected me, then anger at myself. Why would I subject myself to this? Am I a glutton for punishment?
• Fifth, bargaining (often mixed with optimism). What will it take you to acknowledge me as a unique writer?
• Then, sadness. I’m not talented. Additionally, I can never become accomplished.

This continued through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Notable Examples

Naturally, I was in good company. Accounts of authors whose manuscripts was initially turned down are plentiful. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Nearly each renowned author was initially spurned. If they could overcome rejection, then maybe I could, too. Michael Jordan was not selected for his youth squad. Many American leaders over the recent history had earlier failed in races. Sylvester Stallone says that his Rocky screenplay and bid to appear were turned down numerous times. For him, denial as a wake-up call to rouse me and keep moving, not backing down,” he stated.

Acceptance

As time passed, upon arriving at my 60s and 70s, I entered the seventh stage of setback. Understanding. Today, I better understand the many reasons why a publisher says no. To begin with, an editor may have just published a comparable article, or have one underway, or be considering that idea for someone else.

Alternatively, more discouragingly, my pitch is uninteresting. Or maybe the editor feels I lack the credentials or stature to succeed. Perhaps isn’t in the business for the content I am peddling. Maybe was busy and read my work hastily to see its value.

Go ahead call it an realization. Any work can be turned down, and for any reason, and there is pretty much not much you can do about it. Certain rationales for denial are always not up to you.

Manageable Factors

Others are your fault. Let’s face it, my pitches and submissions may from time to time be poorly thought out. They may be irrelevant and resonance, or the idea I am trying to express is insufficiently dramatised. Or I’m being obviously derivative. Or something about my grammar, notably semicolons, was unacceptable.

The point is that, regardless of all my long career and setbacks, I have managed to get recognized. I’ve written multiple works—my first when I was in my fifties, my second, a autobiography, at older—and more than numerous essays. My writings have featured in newspapers major and minor, in local, national and global platforms. An early piece appeared when I was 26—and I have now contributed to that publication for 50 years.

However, no major hits, no book signings at major stores, no appearances on popular shows, no presentations, no book awards, no accolades, no Nobel Prize, and no Presidential Medal. But I can better handle rejection at this stage, because my, humble successes have softened the blows of my many rejections. I can now be reflective about it all now.

Educational Setbacks

Rejection can be educational, but provided that you heed what it’s indicating. Otherwise, you will almost certainly just keep seeing denial the wrong way. What insights have I gained?

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